3 Reasons You Should Never Tell an Introvert to Speak More

I’m an introvert. I can be reserved, quiet, and keep to myself. Something that I’m not, is shy. When I have an opinion, I don’t have a problem expressing it. I don’t fear public speaking — I don’t do it often — but I don’t fear it. If we’re in a group of people, I’ll make conversation. But, being around a lot of people for a long period of time drains me. I like my alone time. I don’t mind staying in and reading a book. This doesn’t mean I hate being around people. It means I need a balance of both.

In the last few years, I’ve had many people point out that I’m an introvert. Something I never gave much thought to. I am the way I am. It amazed me how they always pushed me to speak more, go to events, or hang out with people. If you’re someone who does this to introverts because you want to get them to get outside their comfort zone, get them noticed, or want them to be more “social” please keep reading. Here are 3 reasons you should stop:

It’s Rude

Would you ever tell an extrovert to shut up? No. Then please don’t tell introverts to speak more. We aren’t mute. If we have something to say, we will. Most people think they’re being encouraging and helping us get outside our comfort zone. You’re not. You’re picking at something that you think is a flaw. Which is not. If it were, it’s not yours to fix.

It doesn’t work

When someone tells me to speak more, I do the opposite. Not on purpose though. I notice it more and start over thinking and then, I just don’t talk. It’s like when you tell someone to stop blinking so they blink even more. Let us be.

We Know

I’ve been an introvert my whole life! You don’t have to tell me. In fact, most of us do little things here and there to push ourselves outside the introvert box. I joined a Latinx in tech community and had coffee with a community member and I’m planning on going to the monthly meetup. At work, I volunteered to run a booth for an event that had over 170K attendees last year. Yikes! You don’t have to encourage us because those of us who want to “get outside our comfort zone” are already working on it. And those of us who don’t, shouldn’t feel forced to.

I know that some of you are doing this from a good place. You want your introverted friend to shine like the star that they are! Let your friend shine on their terms.

Originally published on Medium.com